“Why Is This Sticky Again?” Five Phrases I Never Said Before Motherhood

I am a huge advocate of the philosophy that one mustn’t completely lose one’s self to be a good parent. That being said, there are some things that legitimately change and one is the abundance of new phrases I say on a regular basis. Sometimes I find myself giggling at these things because as a parent of a toddler, you wind up saying the most ridiculous things in the most serious of tones. Here’s a sampling…

“Why is this sticky again?” Something is always sticky. I just get finished mopping floors and wiping down the T.V. stand and two seconds later my bare foot is sticking to something on the floor. Why? How?

“Stop climbing on the dishwasher.” Every. Night.

“You have to wear pants or we can’t go bye-bye.” This is usually said as the most adorable little bare butt goes streaking down the hall. And it’s not my husband’s.

“Is that a turd or a raisin?” Seriously, dear readers. Last week my husband and I found ourselves standing over something in the hall that could either be feces or a raisin. It turned out to be a raisin. I won’t tell you how we found that out.

“You can’t eat just ketchup for dinner.” The girl has mastered the double (triple, quadruple) dipping technique with any and all condiments so I won’t be taking her to any cocktail parties anytime soon.